Red, Red Blood

On Friendship Breakup (A poem)

“It hurt because it mattered.”

-John Green

Red, red, crimson red,

Blood, blood, the floor is smeared with blood,

Hurt, hurt, my head hurts,

Care, care, nobody cares,

Wound, wound, I bandage up the agonising wounds,

Sting, sting, the cut still stings,

Tears, red tears, are these mine or yours?

Oozing, dripping, where will they go?

I hope you'll forgive them if not me,

Hope, hope is a dangerous thing,

My fingers still grip the phone, hoping to find you,

Love, love, I still believe in love,

Not the holding hands kind, I hate that still,

The kind where you laugh at the wrong times,

The kind where you rant about your favourite shows,

The kind where you call them past midnight,

The kind of love between you and I,

You never got to know me for who I really am but I've known you,

Joy, joy, the memories bring me joy,

But they're also what make me wrap the blanket and cry,

Wait, wait, for what am I to wait?

To delude myself into thinking I'll find someone who gets me?

Enough, enough, why am I never enough?

Hate, hate, is this hate?

Forget, forget, how do I forget a friend whom I cherised for years on end?

Fault, fault, was it my fault that we grew apart?

Or simply because you were never meant to stay forever?

Heal, heal, how does one heal...

From a broken heart with no tape to mend,

From unkept promises with life in them,

From chopped off pieces of one's soul,

From cuts that don't bleed yet sometimes burn?

Love, hate—it's all the same,

Insomnia keeps me somewhat sane,

Gain, gain, what did I gain?

Lost, lost, without you, I'm so lost,

How, how, from that do I even move on?

Tell me, tell me, oh, dear friend!

Do I get over those little secrets just between us?

Do I ever get to do that?

Or do I spend my whole life staring at the red from the blood?

~Mortal Morph

This is not about self-harm, just to clarify. The blood and cuts are all metaphorical.

I recently realized that some of the people I considered my closest friends…we’ve actually outgrown each other. There were times when we used to laugh about things but we're different people now who are pieces of two different puzzles. I never lose friends in a dramatic way but I always know the moment where one of us is supposed to start pulling apart and I felt that. Maybe, maybe we’ll still eat lunch together and make each other collages for birthdays but it’ll never be what it used to be but maybe I’m okay with that. With my first real friendship breakup.